non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
