he puts the penis in happiness.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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