Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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