You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
