Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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