I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
