That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize