whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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