everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
