First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
how drunk are you?
Several
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
