my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
