You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
