i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
only you would photoshop your dick
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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