I accidentally had phone sex last night
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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