were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
