How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize