Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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