Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
