; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
