Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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