You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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