I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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