we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
