He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
