My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
