I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
