No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
