marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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