ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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