Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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