Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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