the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
This toilet bowl is my home.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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