Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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