Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize