her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
