you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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