The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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