there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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