Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
