he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize