dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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