so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
