Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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