if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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