I accidentally had phone sex last night
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
