dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
