drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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