youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
