i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
