It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
