wakey wakey hands off snakey
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
