The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
