So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
