dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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