The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My vagina is very pro this idea
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