nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just gift wrapped bread.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
