How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
