someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
