I want to stick my p in your. b.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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