I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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