Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
