Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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