Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
