he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
