MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
