where am i from again
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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