Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize