i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
