If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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