I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
