she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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