Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
